


Friday, I'm in Love

by mattygroves



Category: Netflix Queer Eye RPF, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy RPF, Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Getting Together, M/M, couch cheetos, i'm with genius shirt, rated teen for some language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-17
Updated: 2018-06-17
Packaged: 2019-05-24 09:15:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14951855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mattygroves/pseuds/mattygroves
Summary: Rodney begrudgingly agrees to spend a week with the Fab Five. It's not terrible.





	Friday, I'm in Love

**Author's Note:**

> I've never written RPF before, no judgement, just not really my thing, so I just tried to write the Fab Five as their TV personas. I'm not here to get super personal with them :) As far as timeline goes, just imagine Stargate Atlantis ended about a year ago instead of almost ten, and pretend Queer Eye takes place in Denver instead of Atlanta *waves hand dismissively at the spacetime continuum*
> 
> I started writing this when season one came out, but it took forever. It really helped me get over a year's long writer's block, so I love it for that reason. Happy Season 2!

**THEN**

“I can’t believe you two!” Rodney’s nerves have him working up to a nice rant. Radek and Carson have the grace to look a little guilty, which is some balm to his wounded ego.

“Rodney,” Carson’s brogue cuts in.

“You let yourself go after the break-up, “ Radek says in his blunt way, shrugging.

“So you naturally thought the best way to deal with that was to nominate me for make-over show?” Rodney flaps.

“The Air Force agreed it would be good publicity,” Carson says, clearly aware he’s grasping at straws.

“This whole thing is ridiculous,” Rodney said. “I’m _fine_.”

**NOW**

_“Yeah,” John tells the camera, looking both hot and supremely uncomfortable at the same time, as only Sheppard can. “Rodney and I have been friends for seven years, just about. He’s a valuable member of my team.”_

“How sweet,” Rodney mutters sarcastically.

The team, Zelenka, Carson, Elizabeth, and Kate are gathered in Rodney’s renovated living room in his Denver apartment to watch the episode that just dropped on Netflix.

“Hey,” John nudges him with his shoulder, “It’s not my fault our friendship defining moments are highly classified.”

_“Rodney is the only member of our team with a home near the Air Force base. We’re stationed pretty far away usually, but come back for debriefings every three to six months. Rodney’s apartment is where we kick back and relax. But—” John’s voice trails off._

_The camera cuts to Ronan. “It’s a shit hole. I found three half eaten bags of Cheetos the last time we were there. I almost broke a tooth,” he grins._

_Back at Rodney’s apartment the Fab Five are discovering the couch Cheetos for themselves._

_“Oh no, Rodney.” Tan is quietly horrified._

_“Let me smell ‘em,” Antoni says._

_“Stop smelling everything!” Karamo exclaims._

**THEN**

Rodney is exhausted and definitely embarrassed to have his whole life scrutinized by strangers and a TV crew.

Antoni opens his fridge and his face registers horror at the stacks upon stacks of blue jello.

“It lasts forever,” Rodney defends. “I’m never here long enough to stock the fridge. I have a very important job.”

“I can’t imagine pumping yourself full of blue food dye is good for your brain cells,” Antoni says.

“I usually just get takeout or eat in the mess with the team,” Rodney shrugs. “I don’t really have time to think about food, beyond checking whether or not it will kill me.”

“Yeah, you’re friend John mentioned you have some pretty serious food allergies. He was pretty intense.”

“That’s just Sheppard. The laconic flyboy thing is just an act,” Rodney says, but he was touched that John had talked to Antoni about it.

“I’m not gonna lie,” Antoni grins, “It was kinda hot.”

Rodney scowls.

**NOW**

_“My hope for Rodney is that he can learn just a few tips and tricks in the kitchen and start taking pride in taking care of himself,” Antoni tells the camera, the modern design of the Fab Five’s Denver loft showcased behind him. “He works a high stress job, and cutting out some of the junk food can go a long way in improving his mood—”_

There’s a chorus of soft snorts and chuckles in Rodney’s living room.

“Touch my Cosmic Brownies and I’ll kill you with my bare hands,” Rodney threatens the room at large.

_“—I could tell he was uncomfortable having his life invaded and scrutinized by the Fab Five, but I know there’s a gooey caramel center to Rodney,” Antoni finishes with a soft smile._

“Ugh,” Rodney said, making John snort.

_“I can see it in the way he loves his friends, and I want to see him turn some of the love on himself.”_

_The show switches over to Bobby._

_“Rodney’s apartment is a disaster,” Bobby says bluntly. “It’s understandable, he has a high stress job that he’s not even allowed to talk about, and he’s only here two to four times per year. So my goal is just to make his space effortless, a clean, comfortable space he can relax in, have his friends over, maybe entertain a lady friend. It’s been a year since his break-up, I think it’s time for Rodney to get back on that horse.”_

**THEN**

Rodney’s still getting used to the cameras following him around, but as uncomfortable as this whole thing is, Rodney finds himself warming up to the Fab Five. Not that his face doesn’t burn when they traipse into his bedroom and take in the dirty clothes and musty smell of it all.

“Rodney,” Karamo says, eyes wide, “How could you possibly bring a woman in here?”

“Excuse you, I’m bisexual,” Rodney says testily.

“Oh good for you man, I’m sorry for assuming,” Karamo claps Rodney on the back, “My point stands, though, this place is disgusting. How do _you_ even get a good night sleep in here?”

Rodney tries not to be distracted by Tan, Jonathan, and Antoni ransacking his wardrobe and trying things on. He’s relieved that the Air Force guys did a sweep for any sensitive materials or Ancient objects before allowing the TV crew in. It would be just Rodney’s luck if one of the Fab Five turned out to have the Ancient gene. Rodney’s money is on Karamo.

“I usually fall asleep on the couch,” he mumbles before Tan gleefully interrupts them.

“Rodney,” he calls from across the room, “What the hell is this?”

Tan’s holding up Rodney’s “I’m with Genius” shirt.

“I love that shirt,” Rodney defends, “And I _am_ a genius, so.”

“This is the worst color for you, love,” Tan says. “It’s like, the color of vomit, you should never wear this color.”

“It looks like baby diarrhea from a baby that OD’d on breast milk,” Jonathan adds. “Like, that is not a happy baby. Someone help this baby.”

“How would you even know that?” Antoni asks, caught somewhere between horror and fascination.

**NOW**

_“Today, Rodney,” Tan begins, leading the way into the Cherry Creek Mall, “We’re going to get you into some colors that actually flatter you and don’t in any way resemble baby vomit.”_

_“I think I should be offended,” Rodney says, “But my sister just had her second baby. I’ve had that shirt since my second PhD, though, and as much as it pains me to admit, there’s some, um, sentimental attachment.”_

_“I completely understand,” Tan says, holding open the door to a sleek yet colorful store. “And that’s really good. We’ll have to find other ways to keep that connection to your past, while still keeping options open for the future. Trust me, no man or woman will be giving you a second glance in that god-awful t-shirt.”_

John snorts and Rodney nudges him to be quiet. Rodney is especially glad of the dark living room right now. Watching himself be so vulnerable on screen, even months after the fact, is having a reddening effect on his face. He’d like to keep some plausible deniability, thanks very much.

**THEN**

“Why is there a men’s store named after lesbian primates?” Rodney asks, his curiosity peaked.

“Beg pardon?” Tan almost chokes.

“Bonobos monkeys, they’re Chimpanzees’ hippy cousins. They sit around grooming and having a lot of lesbian sex.”

Tan is staring at him wide-eyed, and Rodney’s pretty sure the camera guy to his right is trying really hard not to laugh.

“I thought everyone knew that,” Rodney mumbles, face burning. _Fucking anthropologists._ Never have lunch with the anthropologists. It should be a rule. Even if the Danish one was really, really pretty.

**NOW**

_“Right!” Tan says, his voice an octave higher than usual, “I think we’re going to try some really nice blues for you today. They’ll bring out your lovely eyes.”_

Kate laughs into Teyla’s shoulder, who just smirks in her enigmatic way. Carson seems to be wiping tears of mirth from his eyes, but at least he has the grace to look sheepish when Rodney glares at him. The glare he turns on Radek and Elizabeth has no effect whatsoever.

John laughs softly to himself, but since he puts an arm around Rodney’s shoulder to give it a squeeze, Rodney decides to let it slide. This time.

**THEN**

It had been a long day of trying on clothes, and Rodney is exhausted. But he has to admit, the casual light blue polo shirt he’s wearing does make his eyes look brighter. He’s surprised how different he feels as he looks in the mirror. And his jeans actually fit, which is quite a change. Sheepishly, he half-turns to see if what Tan had said about these jeans doing wonders to show off his amazing ass is true. He can’t help blushing when he hears the knock on his hotel room door. He’s staying in a suite while Bobby tears his apartment apart, because he figures he shouldn’t be uncomfortable while he suffers displacement.

“No cameras?” John asks when Rodney opens the door.

“It’s safe,” Rodney says, standing back to let him in.

John holds up a six pack, condensation dripping off the cans. “Thought you could use a drink.”

“You have no idea.”

“You look good,” John says quickly before disappearing into the small kitchen.

Rodney hears the fridge open and close, then John reemerges with a can in each hand. Rodney looks for any sign of the tell-tale smirk, but if anything John looks almost shy.

“I, uh, got you something else, too,” he says, handing over Rodney’s beer and cracking open his own. From his back pocket, he pulls something out and tosses it at Rodney. It hits his face and falls in lap. Rodney’s about to protest when he looks down and sees his worn, ugly, baby vomit colored “I’m with Genius” shirt.

“Thank you,” Rodney says, his voice catching.

“Um, yeah, anytime,” John says, taking a seat next to him on the couch and not moving when their knees touch.

**NOW**

_“Groomy-groomy-grooming time!” Jonathan is making cheer hand motions as Rodney opens the door. “Good morning, sunshine!”_

_“G’morning,” Rodney returns, still clutching a large mug of steaming coffee as he steps aside to let him through. Jonathan kisses Rodney’s cheek as he passes._

_“Oh, hi John,” Jonathan says, “Fancy meeting you here.”_

_John is seated comfortably on the couch, another cup of coffee in his hand._

_“Jonathan,” he says with a nod. “Just stopped by to see how Rodney’s holding up. I like to keep to an eye on my team members’ morale.”_

“Is that we are calling it these days?” Zelenka says with a chuckle.

“Are you saying you want cold showers for a week when we return to Atlantis? Because that can be arranged,” Rodney snaps.

_John drains the last of his coffee and stands to take it to the kitchen. Rodney emerges from there a moment later with a large to-go cup._

_“Okay, I’m ready,” he says, “Do your worst.”_

_“I thought we’d shave the eyebrows completely off,” Jonathan says, “You know just give your face a clean, open look.”_

_Rodney looks horrified until Jonathan laughs._

_“Oh, honey, your face was priceless,” he says, pulling Rodney into a warm hug._

_John uses this as an opportunity to make his exit, clapping Rodney on the back and saying, “Later, Rodney.”_

_“Oh, no, no. “ Jonathan is too quick, pulling John into their hug. “Mmm, I love a man sandwich. A manwich.”_

_“Okay, okay,” John says, extricating himself with a good natured chuckle. “You kids have fun today.”_

**THEN**

“Rodney!” Karamo says, approaching him with a wide smile and outspread arms. “Looking good, bro.”

Jonathan had done a great job cleaning up his hair, especially the back where it had really gotten out of hand. And he’d left the silver tinged five o’clock shadow, while consigning any traces of neck beard to “the deepest pits of hades,” his words.

“Oh, um, thanks,” Rodney says.

“There it is. That’s what I want to talk about. The confidence, man. We’ve got to get your mojo back.”

“You’re assuming I had mojo to begin with,” Rodney points out.

Karamo laughs. “Your friends tell me they miss the confident Rodney, the Rodney who thought he could do anything and proved it, time and time again. Of course, they couldn’t tell give me the details, but that Rodney sounded pretty impressive.”

“But,” Rodney spluttered, “That Rodney was an asshole!”

“Okay,” Karamo says, opening his hands, palms up, like he’s inviting Rodney into something, a new life. “Let’s find a balance. Let’s find a happy place between confident but asshole, and not confident but still a little bit of an asshole.”

Rodney’s about to protest, but Karamo’s smile iss really disarming.

“You’re not going to make me do a ropes course, are you?” Rodney asks instead.

“Tell you what,” Karamo gestures at the open expanse of Washington Park. “Let’s walk and talk.”

“There’s a coffee shop on the other side of the park,” Rodney says hopefully.

**NOW**

_“Okay, Rodney,” Bobby says, “Are you ready to see your new and improved space?”_

_“Do I have a choice?” Rodney asks._

_“Still hiding behind the sarcasm, man,” Karamo says._

_“Yes, well, I—I’ll work on it?”_

_“That’s a good start.”_

_Bobby swings open the door. The rest of the Fab Five oohs and ahs._

_“Wow,” Rodney says, “This looks—”_

_His dingy apartment was now sleek and modern with a new coat of paint that really brightened up the place. The stained carpet had been replaced by warm wood. Instead of broken blinds there were lightweight curtains letting in natural light, with blackout curtains drawn to the sides. The couch was new, too, wide and comfortable looking with a lounge section on one end._

_“Amazing,” Rodney finishes. “Thank you. And that TV is huge!”_

_“Your buddy John got the rest of your team to pitch in. Said he wanted to do something nice for the place,” Bobby explained._

_“Wow,” Rodney said again, wandering into the small kitchen. It too has gotten a face-lift with some new paint and sturdy countertops. Not to mention the gleaming black and chrome machine where his old drip coffee maker used to be “Wha—”_

_“Your sister didn’t want to be outdone when she heard about the TV,” Bobby grins._

_“This all looks great,” Rodney says when he finds his voice again. “Thank you.”_

_“Oh, baby, are you crying?” Jonathan asks, wrapping his arms around him. “Rest your head on my bosom.”_

_“I’m not crying,” Rodney protests, “It’s allergies. I’m allergic to sentiment.”_

_But he’s buried in a group hug despite his perfunctory objections._

_“Bedroom time!” Jonathan says, and suddenly Rodney finds himself in a conga line headed down the hall as Antoni and Jonathan chant, “Time to see the bed-room! Time to see the bed-room!” with accompanying hip thrusts._

John collapses in helpless laughter into Rodney’s side. Rodney can’t even dredge up a complaint as he relaxes into John’s warmth.

_The Fab Five have gathered at the couch in their Denver Loft, ready to watch Rodney host his friends and teammates at his updated apartment._

_“What do we think, is our boy ready to shed his cocoon and be a beautiful butterfly?” Karamo asks._

_“He certainly cleans up nice,” Tan says, as they watch Rodney sift through his closet for something to wear. “Wait is that—”_

_“I think it is, that tricksy minx,” Jonathan says._

_“What? I missed it,” Antoni says, sitting down with a tumbler in his hand._

_“That bastard kept the baby vomit shirt!” Tan exclaims, torn between annoyed and amused._

_“Well, at least he’s not wearing it tonight,” Jonathan points out, patting Tan’s hand. “Oh, look, that’s a nice shirt.”_

_“Yes, I do like that one,” Tan says, placated, as Rodney puts on a dobby weave button down in Mediterranean blue with short sleeves._

_They watch as Rodney hesitates in front of the mirror, rolling the sleeves, unrolling them, and then rolling them again._

_“I told him to do that,” Tan says proudly, “It really shows off his arms. That man is ripped for a scientist who presumably spends most of his time in a lab.”_

_There’s a series of “mm-hmms” as the rest of Fab Five agree._

_Rodney proceeds to kitchen, getting out chips and making the special dip he learned from Antoni._

_“I’m just glad I convinced him to eat a vegetable once in awhile,” Antoni comments as Rodney adds the spinach._

_The guests start arriving, and Rodney hugs them all and sends them to the fridge for beers as they enter. John receives his hug stiffly, clearly trying hard to avoid looking at the camera in his face._

_“That man is attractive, but so uncomfortable in front of the camera,” Karamo observes._

_“We should do an episode on him,” Bobby says._

_“Can you imagine?” Tan laughs._

_“I can,” Jonathan says, waggling his eyebrows for the camera. “We are sleeping on Ronon, though. That man is a snack.”_

_“Does he own a shirt that isn’t a tank top,” Antoni asks, mouth agape._

_“I’m so proud of Rodney, though,” Tan says, “He’s being such a good host, making sure everyone’s comfortable and has a drink.”_

_“Look at him go,” Jonathan says, “He keeps coming back to John. Their friendship is so sweet, they’ve clearly been through a lot together and look out for—WHAT?”_

_“Oh my god, oh my god!” Antoni shouts._

_“Did you—are you seeing this?” Jonathan says. “Hold me, Antoni, I’m overcome.”_

_“I’m actually crying,” Tan says._

_“This is amazing,” Bobby says with a watery smile, clutching at Tan’s hand._

_“I knew he had it in him,” Karamo laughs, utterly delighted, and pulls Antoni and Jonathan into a group hug. The Fab Five cheer as they fall into a cuddle pile on the couch._

_Onscreen in the Loft, Rodney and John are still kissing._

“Oh, you two,” Elizabeth says fondly.

“I think it’s sweet,” Kate says, kissing Teyla’s temple. Teyla leans into it with a radiant smile.

“We are so happy for you both,” she says.

“You were all there when this happened,” Rodney points out, “So there’s no need for dramatics.”

“It’s sweet, Rodney,” John says, and Kate throws a pillow at him.

Rodney is about to defend John’s honor when his phone buzzes in his pocket. It’s Jeannie.

“Hello?” he answers.

“You and John are dating!” she shouts, and her voice carries well past his own ear. He can see the amusement in John’s eyes.

“Yes, well—”

“I had to find out from Netflix, six months after the fact. What the hell, Mer?”

“I’ve been busy!” he protests. “Saving lives and galaxies—”

“Unbelievable,” she says, and the line goes dead.

“She hung up on me,” Rodney says in disbelief.

“Gonna call her back?” John asks.

Rodney grimaces.

John raises an eyebrow.

“Fine.” Rodney stands and takes his phone into the relative privacy of the kitchen.

“Look,” he says when the call connects, “I just—I wasn’t sure how long. I thought this would blow up in my face in a matter of weeks, this thing with John. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, I didn’t want to be embarrassed when I had to tell you I ruined it.”

“Mer,” Jeannie says softly. “I’m sorry, too. You just looked so happy, and I was hurt that you didn’t feel like you could tell me.”

“Well, I’m telling you now. John and I are dating,” he replies primly, trying to save whatever dignity he might have left.

Jeannie snorts, seeing right through him as always. But she says, “Are you happy, Mer?”

“Yes. I am. I’m happy.”

“Okay. That’s good. I expect you both for Thanksgiving. No excuses. Oh, and I’m glad you saved the shirt I gave you.”

She hangs up before he can protest, and he turns around to find John leaning in the doorway. He pushes himself off the doorjamb and saunters over until they’re face to face.

“How much did you hear?” Rodney asks.

“You’re not going to mess this up,” John says, his hands settling on Rodney’s hips.

“So...everything, then.” Rodney lets his hands rest on John’s forearms.

“You’re not any worse at this than I am,” John points out. “And we’ve got a roomful of people out there who won’t hesitate to knock our heads together if we get stupid.”

“That’s true.” Having real friends never ceases to surprise him.

“Come on,” John says, grabbing him by the elbow, “Let’s get back in there before Ronon chooses the movie again.”

“Oh god,” Rodney says, slipping his hand into John’s.

“Who wants to watch ‘Bring It On’ again?” Ronon asks, queuing it up without waiting for response.

The opening sequence is met with a chorus of groans, but nobody moves to change the movie. John and Rodney settle back on the couch. Rodney collapses into John shoulder.

“Is it too early to kick them out?” he asks in a stage whisper.

John just laughs and lets their joined hands rest on his thigh.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, kudos and comments appreciated! I'm @mattygrovesfic on tumblr if you want to say hi. 
> 
> Oh, and for the record, Bring It On is fantastic movie, they're just annoyed because they've watched it seven times in the last four months. Ronon knows all the routines.


End file.
